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  • Writer's pictureJill Helmer

Start with the People You Trust

These words were spoken by Molly Barker, the founder of Girls on the Run, in a commencement speech last spring at Cedar Crest College.  The program that Molly created many years ago has touched nearly 1.5 million young women. I have witnessed the impact of it as a coach and a parent, so I was on the edge of my seat listening to what she had to share. She had many nuggets of inspiration that day, but the statement that she made about trust is one that has stayed with me ever since.

I, too, have learned that same lesson in business and in life.  Over the last 16 months since I started my own business, I have put this lesson into practice again and again.  I started with people that I trusted.  From my husband and trusted colleagues who told me you can do this to the lawyer who helped me “incorporate” to the printer who created my business cards to the first client I pitched my services to...these were all people that I trusted.  And because I trusted them, it was easier to take the next necessary step of being vulnerable with them.  Trust and vulnerability are great companions and I have found the most success when I use them in combination.

So why am I telling you this?  Its that magical day...the ending of one year and the beginning of the next.  If you are like many people I know, you have something on your mind that you would like to do differently in 2018.  All of the studies will tell you that it is unlikely that you will be successful in keeping the resolutions that you make for 2018.  That’s depressing and discouraging, right?  Who wants to vow to do something when the odds are stacked against you? No one.  Who thinks it might be easier to just not start at all?  Most of us.  So what can we do to change the odds? Go to the people you trust.

And when you go to the people you trust, approach them with vulnerability.   Don’t be afraid to admit your concerns and fears to them.  And don’t hesitate to be incredibly direct with what role you would like them to play in helping you to be successful.  From my coaching experience, I can tell you that many of us go through life afraid to make that big change...from weight loss to new jobs to new relationships to finally kicking bad habits...because we know our chances of success are limited.  If and when we do try, we don’t rely on other people to help us. We might approach someone we trust and ask them how they got the courage to try something new at mid-life, but we rarely allow ourselves to be sufficiently vulnerable in that exchange.  We rarely say...I’m miserable/bored/frustrated in my current role and I need help in finding something better...would you be willing to help me get started?

Why don’t we say it?  Fear of rejection keeps us from approaching the people that we trust.  Pride keeps us from being vulnerable when we do.  Both keep us right where we are at...with the same habits, in the same job, struggling in a current relationship...afraid to make the resolution that we know we will break.  I know this from personal experience.  You know it, too. So if you are thinking about ending the cycle and taking that next step forward in 2018, a little advice from Molly Barker...go to the people you trust.  And when you do, tell them what your fears and concerns are and ask them for their help in making you successful.  From personal experience, I know it works.  I hope you will give it a shot and see it work for you, too.

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